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#relationships

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Gabor Maté is a Canadian physician with a special interest in childhood development, trauma and potential lifelong impacts on physical and mental health.

Here he's speaking on men's vulnerability and the need for them to take responsibility for their needs.

🤔 ❤️ (edited for clarity)

After 30+ years together, the most important advice for a stable long term relationship I can share is:

Because we don't live live a life that is set in stone, we walk along a path that is always moving us in unexpected directions , find a partner who has enough self-confidence to trust, respect, and love you enough to give you emotional and mental space to discover yourself, to allow you to modify your innermost being, and to give you freedom to find your place in the world -- and
you in turn provide the same to your loved one.

ETA: And don't be in a rush to find a partner, we were much older when we first met.

Hey fellow GenX's. Do your kids date? Or have any kind of 1:1 relationships? My daughters suggest that nearly everybody they know is not. Lets say for ranges of 16-25.

Continued thread

There is a way to allay that sense of helplessness you might be feeling. Psychologist Liza M. Hinchey says that kindness can be a force for change in the world and “serves as an antidote to hopelessness because unlike global-scale issues, these small acts are within individuals’ control.” She writes for @TheConversationUS about how connecting to people strengthens relationships and can lead to mutual understanding.

theconversation.com/an-upward-

The ConversationAn upward spiral – how small acts of kindness and connection really can change the world, according to psychology researchA psychologist and human connection researcher explains how individual acts of kindness and connection can have a real impact on global change when these acts are collective.

@actuallyautistic #actuallyautistic #actuallyaudhd #relationships

I think most often I'm overstimulated not just from sensory stimulation but emotional overload...

I truly wish this was managed, but so far, although it's slower and less frequent, I can attempt to minimize demands by reducing who might have access. In the height of distress, it might feel like I'll always want it to be no access, but when I'm safe, not experiencing cptsd, I feel regretful and want to open myself back up. This can appear fickle, or hard to read. If I could simply display my depleting energy levels without having to explain, I wonder if it would save relationships. 🥺

AI summary but reflects something I've noticed, experienced and also done....😮‍💨

When someone with autism "cuts people off," it usually means they abruptly withdraw from social interaction due to feeling overwhelmed, stressed, or sensory overloaded, often as a coping mechanism to manage the intense stimulation they might be experiencing in a social situation; this can manifest as suddenly changing the topic, leaving a conversation, or physically distancing themselves from others.

Key points about autism and cutting people off:

Sensory overload:
Autistic individuals can be highly sensitive to sensory input like noise, light, or even social cues, which can lead to feeling overwhelmed and needing to retreat.

Difficulty with social cues:
Interpreting non-verbal cues like facial expressions or body language can be challenging for people with autism, making it hard to gauge when a social interaction is becoming too much.

Social anxiety:
The stress of navigating social situations can cause anxiety, leading to a desire to disengage when feeling uncomfortable.

Shutdowns:
A "shutdown" is a more extreme form of withdrawal where an autistic person may become quiet, withdrawn, and unable to communicate effectively due to overwhelming sensory input.

How to understand and support someone with autism who cuts people off:

Recognize the signs:
Pay attention to potential triggers like changes in body language, fidgeting, or verbal cues that indicate they are becoming overwhelmed.

Give space:
If someone with autism seems to be withdrawing, respect their need for space and time to decompress.

Open communication:
Discuss their needs openly and let them know it's okay to communicate when they need a break.

Create a supportive environment:
Minimize sensory overload by providing quiet spaces, adjusting lighting, and being mindful of noise levels.

Seek professional help:
If social interactions are significantly impacting their daily life, consider consulting a therapist or autism specialist who can provide strategies for managing sensory overload and social anxieties.

6.6: Emotional Literacy with Dr Tiffany Millacci

In this week’s episode, Ariel quizzes guest Dr Tiffany Millacci about emotional literacy. What is this relatively new phrase? How can being emotionally literate help us to navigate difficult conversations, awkward interactions, or even generally just having relationships in the first place? Isn’t all this talk of emotions just a different way for the self-help industry to get us to buy stuff?

Join us for a fascinating conversation about a complex topic - we barely skim the surface! But never fear, Dr Millacci has your back; listen in for some good places to start learning more.

Check out our blog for links!

Disclaimer: We’re coming from a white, western viewpoint and we recognize the limitations and strictures of that - even within the same cultures and societies (heck, within the same families) emotional expression can vary wildly according to personality, gender, neurodivergence, whatever your social location. This interview necessarily takes broad strokes to begin a conversation about how to better be in community with each other, and it is our hope that we can continue to showcase how this can vary, taking steps towards a solarpunk future where people can disagree - even on important topics like politics and religion - without violence or relationship rupture.

youtube.com/watch?v=QzD821HHgj

Continued thread

@bookstodon

"#Relationships are perhaps our single greatest source of both happiness and suffering. Unlike people in previous ages, we don’t merely seek a partner we can tolerate; we seek someone we can #love, usually over many decades, at an intense pitch of desire, commitment and interest. We dream of someone who will understand us, with whom we can share our longings and our secrets, and with whom we can properly be ourselves.

Then the horror begins. We need to understand why."

→ How Much Porn Are We #Watching? A Lot
thewalrus.ca/when-porn-becomes

#Pornhub [is visited] more frequently than Twitter, Wikipedia, or Netflix. Globally this site has almost as many visits as Amazon”

“While #porn and the consumption of it may still linger at the margins of our #public spaces, those margins have shifted. Porn has changed. And if we do not pay attention to what this means for our #relationships, our #social and #legal systems, and our #sexual norms and practices, it will #change us”

The Walrus · How Much Porn Are We Watching? A Lot | The WalrusAnd we’re watching more of it in public—buses, libraries, classrooms, and offices